I stand corrected.

God amazes me. Spring break really destroyed the way I see the world. I knew I was meant to be there. It was not an accident. God intervened on my behalf. When I thought I knew where my life was going, he sent someone into my life. Someone I loved more deeply than I ever thought I could love. Without much warning, God pulled him out of my life completely. I was wrecked. Totally and completely. Dealing with that heartbreak is what got me here. Because of my anger, I found Mankato. In Mankato I joined Intervarsity. Intervarsity has become my family here. In January of this year, I went to a retreat called “breakaway”. I signed up for it in December, but once I found out what my semester was going to be like, I didn’t want to go anymore. I still went. At breakaway I got closer to my chapter of Intervarsity. Before going to the retreat, I was set on going home for spring break. However, that changed. The community I found was so good. I needed more of that. I knew I would be spending my spring break in St.Louis. So even though my intentions were completely selfish, God wanted me there. After arriving in St. Louis I soon discovered that the focus of the week was inner city education and the education system in America. It’s no secret that my heart is tied up in that topic. On one of the first days, we watched a film called “Waiting for Superman”. This movie ripped my heart to shreds. I cannot convey the depth of my rage towards schools who use a lottery system to determine which students get a good education. I cannot explain my fury about the horrid truth that the public schools in many inner cities aren’t even accredited. This is an injustice. When I say my heart breaks for these students, I am not being dramatic in the slightest. There are few things that shake me like this does, to the point of outraged sobbing. God used this past week to strike the very core of who I am. I am convicted. I am terrified. My future is all different kinds of uncertainty now. Praise God. He has yet to fail me, and I’ve found his plans are always so much greater than mine. During my week in St. Louis, I found an entire family of people who accepted me as I was. I didn’t feel the need to impress anyone. Almost every day I was there I skipped putting make up on in the morning and my hair always looked awful. These people genuinely care about me. Living so far from home is not easy for me, but this community blessed me in so many ways. I started the week off completely unaware of the effect it would have on me. I unwillingly left at the end, wishing to stay longer. My heart is still a mess from all of this. I am so grateful of the people, places and events that God keeps placing in my life. I can only hope that this fire will not dim. I can only pray that God will use me to do His work. I can only wish that maybe someday I will be who God wants me to be. <3